


Bad dreams

by Sylencia



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 08:56:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13737462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylencia/pseuds/Sylencia
Summary: Madara hates waking up alone in bed. Is Tobirama gone to work again ? How long is it going to coax him to come home tonight ?





	Bad dreams

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kaiyaru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaiyaru/gifts).



> Prompted on tumblr by Kaiyaru from the prompt list "One Hundred Ways to Say ‘I Love You’"

If there was one thing Madara didn’t like, it was to wake up alone in bed. But, sadly, it was something he was used of now. It happened more often than he’d ever admit he liked and Madara knew it was something he shouldn’t feel bad about anymore, knowing the man he shared that bed with. But he couldn’t help it. Waking up in his arms after years of struggle was the greatest feeling he knew and he was addicted to it.

But Tobirama was … a different kind of person. His brain worked the most singular way and Madara had learned to accept it, even despite how frustrating it could be. For Tobirama was a genius, it came with many downsides. The main one being that Tobirama could get distracted a lot, when he had something in mind. Even distracted from sleep and Tobirama had learned the way to leave their shared bed without waking him up, at least but still. Madara knew what it meant, when Tobirama was up that early in the morning and, lying awake in the middle of their big bed, he was bracing himself for what might come.

For Tobirama was a stubborn man. Probably as stubborn as he was and they often clashed because of it. But Tobirama also was manic when fixated on an idea or a project and that often led to difficult situations. Because of his personality, it was often when Tobirama decided that working on his ideas was more important than sleeping or even eating and Madara had taken it on him to force some sense into his boyfriend’s singular brain when he had to. When Tobirama didn’t sleep in days because he was working, when Madara could hear his stomach grumbling all the way from the other side of the house, from Tobirama’s office slash workshop to their bedroom and it wasn’t easy. Hashirama had given him tips, the day they became roommates in college, he had given him weapons against Tobirama’s moods and they worked pretty well. But Tobirama had his own weapons and usually fought back vehemently when common sense wasn’t enough for him to realize that what he was doing wasn’t good for himself. 

Really, living with that man wasn’t easy and Madara had known, from the very start. Even when they were roommates and they started dating, Tobirama sometimes didn’t show to their dates because he got distracted and had to work and didn’t even send him a text to warn him. Madara couldn’t remember how many times he waited for his date to arrive and ended alone. How many times he found himself eating alone in a restaurant, facing an empty chair because Tobirama was locked in his room, doing whatever he might do. And Madara almost gave up. Almost. But he didn’t.

It wasn’t easy, sometimes but he loved the man and his feelings were strong enough to withstand anything. Even waking up to an empty bed without knowing if Tobirama even was around their place anymore. Because Tobirama did have his own little workshop in here but there were things he couldn’t do at home. Too dangerous and the workshop wasn’t secured enough for some of his experiments. So, sometimes, he’d leave home and go to his workplace and do his things. Without leaving a note to warn Madara.

Thankfully, with time, Tobirama had learned to answer the phone even when he was working. Even if he didn’t like speaking on the phone. Which had been a great enhancement in their relationship. Madara would have killed the man for turning off his phone when he called, when they started to officially living together.

Madara asked, once. He asked Hashirama why Tobirama was like this. If he had been diagnosed with a personality disorder. Sometimes, Madara had wondered if his boyfriend wasn’t autistic, or if he didn’t have an Asperger’s syndrome. He sometimes wondered if Tobirama didn’t have an illness that made his brain act up this way.

Hashirama told him the official truth. Tobirama was different, yes, but doctors never were able to diagnose him with any of these afflictions. He presented some of the symptoms but not all of them. Not enough for a proper diagnosis and they affirmed Tobirama was perfectly normal. Only an introvert and he would “grow out of it”.

Now that he was himself a doctor, Hashirama could call bullshit on them all. Tobirama wasn’t an introvert. He wasn’t going to ever grow out of it completely either. He was .. clinically depressed. Had been ever since he was a child and the reason why was obvious. Because, putting his brothers aside, Tobirama never had friends. He had grown up alone. And, to protect him from his loneliness, his brain locked itself in preservation mode, making him focus on school, college, then work, to a point when nothing else ever mattered to him anymore. It became the only thing he cared about, for a long time and it was very hard to unlearn such strong habits. Almost impossible, even.

That’s when Madara showed up in Tobirama’s life. Of course, as he and Hashirama had been best friends since .. always, Madara had known Tobirama for a long time and he had always been pretty neutral about him. Because Tobirama almost always was locked in his bedroom, reading or doing whatever he might do. Unlike Kawarama and Itama, he never joined them to play in the living room, or go to the park when they were old enough. Madara always went to say hello, because his mother taught him to be polite but Tobirama didn’t always answer, too absorbed in his things to even notice him.

But they ended up in the same college and Madara promised Hashirama to take care of his little brother, because he wouldn’t be there to do so himself anymore, med school being far away from home. And Madara did. They shared a flat. Madara cooked every meals and he was one terrible cook but Tobirama ate his plates without complaining. Madara accepted to call people in Tobirama’s name when needed and he did, because he didn’t mind it and Tobirama thanked him every time. In return, Tobirama cleaned the whole place himself. He liked when things were in order and cleaning didn’t bother him. And it worked pretty well like this.

They became friends. A kind of friends. It was difficult, sometimes but Tobirama didn’t spend all his time locked in his room doing his stuff anymore. Sometimes, he sat with him in the living room, on their creaking couch and he’d watch a movie with him. Or simply listen to music when Madara was doing his homework. Or relax. It wasn’t much but it was something and with time, their relationship became … different. Madara called Hashirama, to speak of it with him. Hashirama said he was happy the two of them were friends now.

They started dating after a year of living together. And Madara remembered perfectly what Tobirama told him, when he came to him for that.

“I like you. What am I supposed to do ?”

Madara didn’t know how to react, in the moment. It had been so sudden and sure, he liked Tobirama too, this way as well. But was he ready for this ?

The answer became obvious when Tobirama looked up at him expectantly. There always had been something different in Tobirama’s eyes. He had a strong gaze. As if he could read people’s minds and most people were uncomfortable with it but Madara never minded. He liked Tobirama, Tobirama was attractive and he was intelligent and witty and all the things he liked and he had learned about Tobirama’s personality a lot, ever since they started living together. He had learned about all the things Hashirama told him about, how Tobirama was a great person, once you knew him. The curve of his smile and the sound of his laugh. It was all beautiful. No wonder Madara fell for him so easily. But he held back, because he didn’t know how Tobirama would ever react to it.

It had been a surprise that Tobirama came to him with that question. And it had been difficult at first, like everything else but they managed. They did and they celebrated their five year together a couple of days ago only.

Still. Madara didn’t like waking up alone and he slowly sat up in bed, scratching his hair, sore from the evening. It was almost uncomfortable to sit, as Tobirama was as passionate with sex as he was with everything else. But Madara didn’t complain. Why would he ? Tobirama was doing his best to make him happy. Always did, ever since they started dating, leaving his comfort zone so much it sometimes made Madara wonder if he was forcing Tobirama to act unlike himself. But Tobirama would smile that perfect smile of his, his eyes lighting up, his whole face relaxing, his hands would pull him closer, his breathing would hitch. He’d say stupid words like “I love you" or “I’m happy we’re together” and Madara’s doubts would disappear. Because he loved the man back so much. And he was just as happy they were together. 

But Madara didn’t like waking up alone in the middle of the night and he sighed, pushing the blankets away, he left the bed, stretched and he slid his feet into his slippers, putting yesterday’s underwear on so he wouldn’t stroll around all naked. Not that he cared. But fighting with Tobirama to go back to bed naked was ridiculous.

The house was silent and dark, as Madara left the bedroom. He didn’t need to turn the light on, in the corridors he knew oh so well, leading him to Tobirama’s workshop at the very end of it. Madara knew Tobirama wasn’t there before he opened the door as there was no light filtering under the door and Tobirama never worked without light. Still, Madara peeked inside, he looked around the room and he sighed, closing the door again.

As he knew his phone was charging in the kitchen, Madara let his feet take him there automatically, rehearsing what he was going to tell Tobirama, to convince him to come home, that work could wait, to write down his ideas instead. They had tried doing this lately, leaving a notebook on Tobirama’s bedside table and it worked sometimes. Not always. Not tonight, it seemed.

Madara startled hard, when he opened the kitchen’s door. He almost got a heart attack when he saw the shadow in the ambient darkness but, placing a hand over his heart and turning the lights on, Madara glared at his boyfriend’s back.

“Tobi, for fuck’s sake !” He snapped. “You scared the hell out of me !”

Tobirama didn’t answer. He visibly flinched under the words but he kept his back to him and Madara sighed, he breathed out to try and calm down. Being angry wouldn’t help with the situation. But at least, Tobirama was in the house, he wasn’t gone. It was good. Madara wouldn’t have to spend an hour on the phone with him to try coaxing him back home. But .. why would Tobirama sit there in the dark ?

Slowly, Madara made his way to his boyfriend, to the high stools, he placed his hand on his shoulder, before he circled him, he looked up and his heart dropped.

Ever since that conversation he had with Hashirama, about Tobirama being clinically depressed, Madara had became aware that, contrary to people’s beliefs, Tobirama wasn’t some heartless bastard. He knew the man was able to hide his feelings well, to a point it made people freak out. He knew it well and he too was at the receiving end of these moments when Tobirama didn’t want to show anything. But. It didn’t mean he ever wanted to see the many emotions raging through Tobirama’s heart and mind. For they were … strong. So strong and violent and it was a wonder how Tobirama was able to swallow them back on a daily basis.

And tonight, as he was facing his boyfriend, as he was seeing the tears in his eyes and how his eyebrows were knitted together and the sorrow written all over his face, Madara felt his heart ache and his guts tighten and he didn’t hesitate a second when he pulled Tobirama into a tight hug, making him place his head on his shoulder, fingers wrapping around his short hair.

Because Madara knew he helped with Tobirama’s condition. He knew it and Tobirama said so many times before. But. His presence and their relationship would never cure Tobirama from his depression. He wasn’t smug enough to think he could ever take away years of loneliness and mental lockdown from Tobirama’s past. And they were moments, like tonight, when Tobirama would break down and all Madara could do was hold him and listen, if Tobirama ever wanted to talk. 

But that, it wasn’t Madara’s to decide. He wasn’t going to press it. He didn’t like being forced to talk either. So, he waiting in silence, as Tobirama was slowly relaxing against him, his arms wrapped around his waist to keep him close, taking in shaky breaths at regular intervals. It was all he could do, for the moment. And it was perfectly fine this way.

“I .. dreamt about you,” Tobirama whispered after a long time. It probably took him a lot of time to decide if he were to talk at all. If it was worth it. Tobirama often claimed he didn’t want to bother people with his bad moods. Madara always answered he was always there to listen. “We were .. ninjas ?” Tobirama hesitated and Madara could picture him frown. “Very good ninjas. But. We were enemies. We tried killing each other all the time. I-I killed Izuna. And then, Hashirama killed you.”

A lump in the throat, Madara tightened his hold around his boyfriend, he closed his eyes. This was a terrible dream, he had to admit it. Terrible and it was no wonder Tobirama left the bed and came here and sat on his own for who knew how long. Tobirama had a logical mind and he knew it was only a dream but. The irrational part of him couldn’t always be reasoned with and Madara knew that well. He often had a hard time bringing Tobirama back to bed when Tobirama was obsessed about a project. He couldn’t imagine what it probably was for Tobirama, to know his brain was sick but he had to do the thing and he couldn’t fight back some feelings he knew weren’t legitimate. Feelings that only were the result of his brain’s malfunctioning.

Sometimes, Madara wished he could do more than he already did. He wished he had superpowers to help his boyfriend. But he didn’t. And all he could do was hold him and talk.

“It was only a nightmare,” he breathed out, running his fingers through Tobirama’s hair and kissing his shoulder. “Nobody is killing anyone. We’re not ninjas.”

“I know,” Tobirama nodded and he shivered. “But it felt s-so real. I could .. I could smell the blood and .. and you hated me.”

“I love you,” Madara answered and he slowly pulled back, just so he could place his forehead against Tobirama’s. “I love you so much.”

“Even if .. I’m sick ?” Tobirama’s eyes swept to the side, he pinched his lips.

“Yes,” Madara stated as firmly as possible. “I’m very much in love with you. With all of you, even the bad parts.”

“I … don’t understand how you …,” Tobirama started but the end of his sentence got lost into a breathe. But Madara knew well what Tobirama meant.

“There’s .. nothing to understand,” Madara said and he pushed a soft kiss against Tobirama’s lips, caressing the back of his head. “I love you. And there’s no condition for my love for you. None at all.”

It took Tobirama a moment, to be able to smile and he slowly nodded, he relaxed under the touch and he kissed Madara back, a soft hum escaping his throat as he did so.

“Let’s go back to bed,” Madara then whispered, grabbing his lover’s hand and pulling him off his seat. Tobirama didn’t fight back, he followed dutifully until Madara could sit him down on the bed and he helped Tobirama out of the dressing gown, he smirked as he always did when he saw Tobirama naked and Tobirama snorted at the expression. He knew well that Madara liked his body, just the way Tobirama loved his. Sex was quite good between the two of them. But there was so much more than sex between the two of them and Madara lay down, he pulled Tobirama against him, kissed the top of his head.

“Let’s talk a little for now,” Madara whispered, he smiled when Tobirama wrapped an arm around his waist and nibbled at his neck. “You don’t have to sleep just yet if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to,” Tobirama confirmed with a shaky breath. “I’m sorry I scared you. I just .. didn’t want to wake you up.”

“You can wake me up when you have nightmares,” Madara stated firmly, he held back a sigh. “Please, wake me up when you have nightmares. I’m here for that as well.”

There was a silence, during which Madara started dozing off a little, too comfortable with his boyfriend so close despite the situation. At least, Tobirama didn’t leave the house, he told himself. At least, he was still around and he spoke of what happened. And now, all he wanted was for Tobirama to feel better and he hoped cuddling helped. But seeing how Tobirama was slowly relaxing, how his breathing was settling, and Madara kissed his brow, fighting back his sleep.

“I love you too, Madara,” Tobirama stated, snuggling closer and arching up to pull him into a kiss. “I’m happy we’re together. I’m .. happy you love me.”

A kiss led to another. Grabby hands over each other’s body, glances at each other’s eyes, hums that meant too much for the two of them and they loved each other for the rest of the night. For Madara to show how strong his love was. For Tobirama to feel better. And just like that, when morning arrived, they fell asleep together and slept away their day off. 

Cuddling and happy they found each other.


End file.
